The Week That Was and Wasn’t

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Friday is on the horizon now, I think I’m going to make it. Before you go changing channels and writing this one off, it was a little touch and go this week. Wednesday I had an asthma attack that brought on a little angst and trepidation. Mrs S talked the Doctor, who in turn had his nurse call me today which just about put me over the gawddamned edge. I hate unsolicited calls from the Drs office. Having waited out more than my share of biopsy results I don’t like to get any call from any doctor. Shit, people with PhD’s make me nervous.

Nurse on the other end wanted to update my asthma “score”. I told her this week it was 14-7 asthma, but we’re still in the 1^st quarter so hang on I may come back strong. She didn’t get it and the more I thought about it the less clever it sounded to me too. I hate giving birth to jokes that get worse the more I think about them.

I want one those little rubber bracelets you know the ones, Live Strong (and cheat) or WWJD. WWJD wouldn’t exactly apply to me, although this week I have been thinking about attending the local Christian Scientist meeting to see if the disciples of Mary Baker Eddy can make heads or tails of this asthma/anxiety thing. I hear tell that the Scientists believe that disease and death are illusions. I like that, illusion, as in not real so I can stop worrying about them. I certainly wouldn’t have to worry about unfreak’n solicited doctors calls. Then again, there’s the “Christian” thing..

If I was going to be a Christian I think I’d opt for Episcopalian version of the faith. Seems like a very reasonable approach with some nice traditions. My Fundie buddy refers to it as “Catholic Light” What ev.. I only know one Vicar, should say virtually know him, and he has to be one of the most decent and spiritual dudes I know. Maybe I should talk to him about the vision I had a couple weeks ago driving to work when the full moon reflected off the ice crystals in the atmosphere and created three perfect crosses of the bluff overlooking the Minnesota River. Hmmm message?

Meanwhile the nurse thing-

Nurse wanted to me come to see the doctor. “Why?” She had no real answer other than the doctor would like to see me. I’d like to see him too, why don’t we meet at Applebees and have a beer?

No, he’d like to assess your asthma.

I’ve been assessed for asthma many times over the course of the last few years. Same deal, breathe into the tube suck in the air three times and get a card that says “you have asthma”. Oh, and send us $50.00. I don’t even try anymore, which might be why the scores have been a little lower than usual of late. “Mr Sank you need to take this seriously and really pull in your air.”

Can’t help but think that if that device had a bowl on top of it and nursie-poo was holding a lighter on a 1982 era bud of senimilla I might just be able to pull a golf ball through that thing. But of course that would violate my solemn oath to my bride, a pre-wedding oath mind you to never do that again and I’m not interested in violating oaths, especially ones that would impact my happiness. 30 years of happiness.

Unless it was for medicinal purposes of course, then I might petition the warden for an pass..

The other problem with this assessment is that under my new insurance plan it ain’t $50.00 anymore. It’s like $150 for the office visit. At those rates I’m not all interested in earning my Asthmatics-R-Us card.

I summed up this entire line of thinking with the following:

“Lemmie call you when I get my calendar in front of me.” Code for “checks in the mail” or “I’ll call you sometime”.

Christ on a cracker. Can I say that?

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Clik here to view.Had a nice time at the Timberwolves last night. I re-upped my season tickets for next year. Why? I have no freaking idea, this team blows. Granted the entire starting lineup was inured this year, but still. They’re freaking horrible. But they’re MY horrible and I love the NBA so what’s a brother to do. Especially an old fat asthmatic brother who isn’t really a brother. Come to think of it I don’t even have a brother (that I know of or who knows about me) so WTF. Heres the deal- $300 for a full season package.

SHIT YOU NOT.

300 bucks of for a season? OK why not, I’m in. And since I renewed at the game… my ticket guy upgraded me last night to row 2, right on the floor. You can do that when it’s the Wizards vs. the Wolves. I texted my middle son, the NBA fan “I’m so close I can smell Rubio’s aftershave!” His response “How you can smell anything over the Wizards stink?” Where does that wicked snarkiness come from? Jay-sus. Can I say
that?

So I got to see John Wall and my guy Nene’ up close and personal. I’ve had a man crush on Nene’ for some reason going back to his days as a Nugget. Nene’ is from Brazil and I hafta tell ya, he’s a monstrous specimen of human being. He is the Amazon rainforest. I like to tell folks that he has great footwork for a big man, which he kinda does. Problem was I was at the game with a friend who played college basketball at Purdue. Serious shit Big-10 hoops. He didn’t see Nene’ foot work in the same glowing terms I did. We did however see Nene miss the entire backboard, rim, net etc on two different free throws. Air ball on a free throw is the basketball equivalent of not hitting your drive past the ladies tees.

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I may need to find a new crush.

The fun thing about attending these games with the Boilermaker is that he knows some of the guys in the NBA having played against them in the Big-10 and at various all-star camps and AAU events. We attended the Knicks game, I love Knicks, one of the three teams I support in the NBA. My favorite Knick, Tyson Chandler. My friend knew Tyson Chandler. “Tyson Chandler parted my hair with his crotch a few times as he was dunking the ball over me at summer camp”. At least he’s honest. He didn’t think Chandler would remember him.

Oh well.

Enough rambling for one night. Tomorrow’s Friday and there ain’t nuth’n wrong with dat!

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